The Gin Theory/Rule
The Gin Theory/Rule
It is a well-known fact that alcohol is a depressant because slows the function of the central nervous system. I can only assume that the slowing of this particular system means that all the cheerful thoughts that are destined to make the tricky trip from your brain to your heart (for warm feelings) or your face (for happy expressions) don’t get to their destinations at the appropriate time – which makes things awkward – if at all. You see, GIN, being such a versatile and masterful creation, became the envy of many a bootlegging pot stiller and for this reason became the recipient of a finger pointing frenzy, and as a result copped the blame for a plethora of ill effects back in the day. BBS springs to mind. Fast forward to the modern day and the pioneers of a revolutionary thought process which not only bust the GIN depression myth but went on to prove that GIN is actually a potent anti-depressant. In essence, a GIN shot should be administered to a person that appears melancholy, sad, depressed or grumpy as a prophylactic. This GIN shot need not be heated up unless administered as an antidote in which case 27 seconds in a 650W Microwave on HIGH will be sufficient. The person administering the GIN shot should always have one too in order to calm the patient down. As a ‘GIN Toast’ the one dispensing the shots simply utters “If I catch you looking sad or grumpy after this GIN shot you will have another GIN shot! If you pull a face as a result of this GIN shot, you will also have another GIN shot! Cheers!”. After the GIN shots have been enjoyed, both the patient’s mood and the general mood of everyone in attendance will visibly change to joviality. The old adage, “The stronger the alcohol, the quicker it goes straight to your head” then applies. This in turn proves the secondary effect of GIN which is that it acts as an anti-depressant by speeding up the central nervous system in direct contrast to the effects of regular alcohol. Furthermore, with all the fast acting, enthusiastic and euphoric GIN shot messages coursing through the central nervous system, all negative thoughts are effectively muscled out and rendered ineffective. See also The Buffalo Theory. That folks, is The GIN Theory/Rule. Clear as mud? Excellent. Now cheer up! GB